Thursday, October 19, 2017

End of Friendship

I am once again disillusioned today more than ever. This time on friendship.

Its the worst feeling, when you thought you had a strong support system, a few heads you thought you could turn to when the going gets tough... but you realize what you thought you had is not on the same level as what they think you have...

Most probably i am at fault somehow, because i chose to be alone, most of the time. Maybe i turned my back first...

I am in shit and I chose to deal with things on my own... but that move is turning out to be the better way to go... i would have pushed myself to people who doesn't really want me. 

Lesson learned.  Dont ever fight with yourself, because after all the sh*t, you will only have yourself to turn to... it's ok P....

Thursday, August 31, 2017

Understanding LIfe

If it was up to me, i would write everyday.  Then again, IT IS up to me.

So why not?  I do not have the talent to articulate my thoughts the way i want to.
The few times i write well, i get too surprised after reading it through a few days after.  And most of the time, i vaguely remember what it was about.

My friend Melan used to always remind me to not worry too much because life is too short to be miserable.  And i say "Hell yeah!" to that.  It is true.  Life is too short.  He's been dead for a year, if anyone is interested to know.  So I chanced upon this book online.  "THE SUBTLE ART OF NOT GIVING A F*CK" and it has brought my miserable days to inches of happiness.  Same idea about life being too short to be miserable but maybe some things can be treated differently versus the others, and identifying which ones to give a fuck about will mainly be driven with what one values in life.  Its the same as "Choosing ones battles wisely".  Choosing to win on battles that matter.

So yeah.  Why am i blabbing about this today?  Well, yesterday was a bit of an eye opener in a lot of ways.  I have been intentionally not giving a f*ck about a lot of things lately and yesterday, i kinda went back.  Maybe because i made myself believe that i dont care about those things but really deep in my core and in my heart, I do.  

Now, gotta go back to the drawing board.  Understand this life, i must.  My values and its stand on me may not be so strong as yet. Or maybe, i just haven't realized it as i thought i did.

Saturday, June 10, 2017

Far far away land

I always thought i love travelling.
Discovering new things, going to different places...

Now almost halfway across the home base
After days of going to great places...
To places that would have sparked my dying wick

How come i still feel empty?
How is it that i feel lost?
That I don't belong?

The need to be true to myself,
Requiring me to be more genuine
happiness needs to be true
Love needs be honest

Where is my heart at?
That I have to find out...

Saturday, April 22, 2017

Checking if this works

If i listed down all my what if thoughts, i would have written volumes of books on it already...

Sent from my iPhone