Monday, October 10, 2016

Kawalan

Sinusubukan ko naman
na harapin and katotohanan
na lunukin and sakit
dulot ng karanasang puno ng pait

Pinaninindigan ko naman
na igalaw ang mga kalamnan
na bigyang buhay
katawang pagod at lupaypay

Pero paano sa mundong ito
sa araw araw na buhay ko
kawalan ng lunas sa damdamin
at and pag-asa na matatawag na akin

Wala na, di na kita maramdaman...


Wednesday, July 20, 2016

Strange Me watching Stranger Things

"Ever wonder why other people you do not know are called strangers?  Its because everyone is strange in their own ways, you deem other people as stranger because you feel they are weirder than you..."
Just one of the many "intellectual conversations I had with my college buddy, Kei,

When i try to look back into my life and the friends i have had who made me change how I saw life then, i realize how much I do not know.  I realize how dumb i was compared to those friends who at the same age as me, have come to understand this so called life, in a deeper way.

So why did I want to write about strangers and friends?  Its actually because of this new series in Netflix.  The past weeks, i got hooked in a series over Netflix when my daughter made me watch an episode of Pretty Little Liars, and it did not take me too long to actually skipped over the season where my daughter was and I was ahead of her bookmark.  

Last Sunday night as we waited for our Chinese take out, i came across this nicely done 80's theme poster in Netflix and i clicked on it thinking it was a movie.  I did not want to get hooked again in another series as i cannot anymore afford late night watching for the next few weeks (took me 3 weeks to finish PLL's 6 seasons).  I got hooked to the first few minutes....  and the next 12 hours, i finished the whole season... And I love it! Can't wait for Season 2! 

So this group of 12year-old friends, Will, Mike, Lucas and Dustin, typical 80's kids, have gone through more than other kids their age.  From 1980's middle school bullying, alien abduction, mutant friends with superpowers, etc.. and all happened in a span of 1 week.  But i will bet the 7 days of their life would somehow define what they will be in the future.

Which brings me back to my initial thought of strange vs. strangers, and how dumb i was when i was younger. I'm strange and I love it.  I like being weird and I do not care what other people say.  I was bullied in a way back in elementary and during then, it may have seemed like I was weak, but it made me stronger today.  It made me stand up again and prove everyone I am better.  

Ok, this whole entry is strange.  My brain flow is just not for everyone to understand write now.  And I don't want to spend a few more minutes to redo this whole thing.  

Haha.  Weirdo! 







Monday, April 4, 2016

Energizer to no energy at all

Its a Monday and I am staying home today.
I am weak and my stomach is unsettled with both bacteria and mixed emotions rolling altogether inside of me.

Mediocrity. In a world full of this, how can one live and let live without aiming to be better than the average?

I am frustrated.  I try to aim for excellence.  And yet, i get caught up with the pace of everyone else around me causing be heart break and disappointment.

Maybe its because i am too, full of mediocrity.

I am no better than everyone else.  Must.  Remember.  This.





Wednesday, February 24, 2016

A speck-tator in this world

So i have been spending my morning drive to the office listening to Simon Sinek's voice in the car.  I am almost done with another audio book given that traffic in Metro has been horrible these days.

Leaders Eat Last. In this particular book, the author sites situations and stories of leaders who exemplified a leadership style that he thought is bound for success.  Not always winning in the business kind of success, but that success wherein members of the team are secure and satisfied with their lives that the they work because they want to, not just because they have to.

This is my 2nd leadership book for the year.  I read books like these to inspire myself and discover topics that i can discuss with our team in the office either during formal townhalls or over lunch.   I like learning new things. And it usually works.  I get inspired and i pass on the inspirations to others. 

Something weird though is happening. The books this year, both my Simon Sinek, Start with Why and Leaders Eat Last, is not doing how inspirational books should be affecting me. Instead of me discovering my style and the potential of being a leader, i start to question those leaders around me. And as each question pops up, i start to get frustrated and disillusioned.

Government. I never really cared about them.  I hate politics and I stay away from it as much as possible. Now I suddenly have a say on this presidential election coming up. And again, its frustrating that of all the 103M people of the Philippines, the people running are all full of sh*t. 

Teachers.  I started thinking of all the teachers i had in my life.  Both in school and at work.  And then in my head, if only there were more good teachers in this world, then it would have been a better place.  I actually thought just recently, that i should have been one.  Could have change lives...

Bosses.  I have had a share of characters from my past and present bosses.  From the ultra patient to the the extremely impatient.  Super nice ones to assholes and bitches. From teachers to justifiers. And this is where i am mostly affected with the book readings...

You see, whoever is reading this, you probably don't know me personally. These past months, as I read books and listened to facilitators in workshops, i start to realize that i can actually be a leader, and a good one at that.  And as I listened to Simon Sinek, i start to question myself and the world, whys and what for....

I am confused and disillusioned.  I am in a fork where its either fight or flight.  I care too much and gets too emotional which is not always advantageous. I compete with myself and I sometimes start to hate myself for it as well.  And i am tired. Of thinking.  Of inventing. Of being good at EVERYTHING i do.  All because i realized that we are, after all, just a speck of dust in this galaxy. The more i learn, the less I know.  The more i understand, the more i start to hate.  The more i absorb, the more tired i get. 

Maybe its a phase.  Maybe it will go away.  Maybe I'll get over it.  But a door opened in me, that door that made me realize that i know nothing. NOTHING.