Tuesday, January 3, 2017

Delightful Cheers for 2016

The question that you would be asked during the last or the first few days of the year:


How was your year?


And I would usually have an answer to this before the big holiday break.  That same message i would usually share to my team and to those closest to me.  The well-thought of answer
would be a topic for discussion with friends and family during gatherings or road trips.. the first entry in my diary..

Not this time.  

I had a short and sweet meet up with an old friend 2 days into the new year, and he asked me how my year was --- no answer, nothing that made sense.  My sister asked me on Jan 1 and all i could say was that 2016 was a big blur..

Why am I not myself the past year?  or this coming year, will it still be the same?

Yoga and Mindfulness

I have been practicing yoga for a year now... atleast doing one session a week.  This made me open up my senses and become more aware of the things happening around me... I know someday i would be able to embrace this openness, but for now, its making me realize how bad others are... and there is nothing i can do about it for now.

I am at a stage where my realization is that i can't always help.  I can't control it all or even do anything to change the course of things... 

Hoping that this is part of the stage of acceptance... 

How will the next year be?

I need to understand the past so i can move on and make tomorrow better... I need to make 2017 better because 2016 was year of emotional outbursts, depressions, netflix binge watching, mediocrity and just sadness... I need to understand what happened so i can finally move on... 

I have a lot of thinking to do, but for now, I'm bidding the greatest and biggest goodbye to 2016, I'm glad that its over and happy to know that i can only move forward... 

Cheers 2016! Clinking the glasses and throwing the champagne all over the 365 days of it... 

Monday, October 10, 2016

Kawalan

Sinusubukan ko naman
na harapin and katotohanan
na lunukin and sakit
dulot ng karanasang puno ng pait

Pinaninindigan ko naman
na igalaw ang mga kalamnan
na bigyang buhay
katawang pagod at lupaypay

Pero paano sa mundong ito
sa araw araw na buhay ko
kawalan ng lunas sa damdamin
at and pag-asa na matatawag na akin

Wala na, di na kita maramdaman...


Wednesday, July 20, 2016

Strange Me watching Stranger Things

"Ever wonder why other people you do not know are called strangers?  Its because everyone is strange in their own ways, you deem other people as stranger because you feel they are weirder than you..."
Just one of the many "intellectual conversations I had with my college buddy, Kei,

When i try to look back into my life and the friends i have had who made me change how I saw life then, i realize how much I do not know.  I realize how dumb i was compared to those friends who at the same age as me, have come to understand this so called life, in a deeper way.

So why did I want to write about strangers and friends?  Its actually because of this new series in Netflix.  The past weeks, i got hooked in a series over Netflix when my daughter made me watch an episode of Pretty Little Liars, and it did not take me too long to actually skipped over the season where my daughter was and I was ahead of her bookmark.  

Last Sunday night as we waited for our Chinese take out, i came across this nicely done 80's theme poster in Netflix and i clicked on it thinking it was a movie.  I did not want to get hooked again in another series as i cannot anymore afford late night watching for the next few weeks (took me 3 weeks to finish PLL's 6 seasons).  I got hooked to the first few minutes....  and the next 12 hours, i finished the whole season... And I love it! Can't wait for Season 2! 

So this group of 12year-old friends, Will, Mike, Lucas and Dustin, typical 80's kids, have gone through more than other kids their age.  From 1980's middle school bullying, alien abduction, mutant friends with superpowers, etc.. and all happened in a span of 1 week.  But i will bet the 7 days of their life would somehow define what they will be in the future.

Which brings me back to my initial thought of strange vs. strangers, and how dumb i was when i was younger. I'm strange and I love it.  I like being weird and I do not care what other people say.  I was bullied in a way back in elementary and during then, it may have seemed like I was weak, but it made me stronger today.  It made me stand up again and prove everyone I am better.  

Ok, this whole entry is strange.  My brain flow is just not for everyone to understand write now.  And I don't want to spend a few more minutes to redo this whole thing.  

Haha.  Weirdo! 







Monday, April 4, 2016

Energizer to no energy at all

Its a Monday and I am staying home today.
I am weak and my stomach is unsettled with both bacteria and mixed emotions rolling altogether inside of me.

Mediocrity. In a world full of this, how can one live and let live without aiming to be better than the average?

I am frustrated.  I try to aim for excellence.  And yet, i get caught up with the pace of everyone else around me causing be heart break and disappointment.

Maybe its because i am too, full of mediocrity.

I am no better than everyone else.  Must.  Remember.  This.