Sunday, February 11, 2018

Three Little Birds

three little birds... pitch by my doorstep

This Bob Marley song is my go-to song when big time sh*t happens:
1998 When i broke my heart big time in college
2000 When i found out i was pregnant at 20.
2003 When i finally accepted that i will have to raise Ada by myself.
2009 When i quit my job of 6 years because change was needed
2009 When my dad died on the day of my 30th birthday.
2018 Well, 2018.

I have been thinking of getting a tattoo since college but never really had the guts to just do it.  Maybe because everyone around me is doing it, and i wanted to be different by not conforming.  Or I'm just a scaredy cat.

So i finally did it.  I've always wanted to get birds so i did. 

The 2018 sh*it I can say is a big one.  After 20 years of on-and-off contemplation, i finally drove to the tat shop and scheduled the session.

That was yesterday, and the original sched was supposedly next weekend but the Universe wanted me to do it sooner when an hour after my initial discussion with the artist, someone cancelled that left a slot open for me.

So I did. And i have never been so sure about something for so long.  Which i think reflects the 2018 sh*t. I had to get it done already because i needed that daily reminder that EVERY LITTLE THING IS GONNA BE ALL RIGHT. Not because the 2018 sh*t is bigger than those in the past 20 years, its just that it made me realize that life is short and if you have something you want to express, we should just say it or show it.

So I am. And i will embrace this predicament.  Not only because its real but also because it reminds me how much i can love and living without love is not living at all. 

The reality that is Life and Love

Ever wonder how it feels to wake up every morning with a new take on life?

Ever felt so renewed and re-born after a terrible pain?

Ever had that greatest epiphany of life (so far) that made so much sense its crazy and almost sound as if the universe is mocking you?

Have you ever had a question answered with a truth that you can never realize nor pursue and yet you want to hold on to it, forever?

If you have, please do share.  

Sounds like a great chapter in your life.  Sounds like you are finally living life.

I want that too.


Wednesday, January 17, 2018

Who would have thought?!

Wow, 3 entries in a week.  Not counting the long notes in my phone and the handwritten entries in a notebook.  

It must have opened something in me.

Its amazing, how the emotions and feeling just flowed out of me. Sadness, Happiness, Regret, Confusion, Love...

Its inspiring how much i actually have left in me... So let me declare to the world, that I will embrace this for now.  Because its just too good to just keep to myself.  It makes me feel human, again. 



Sunday, January 14, 2018

Temporary Madness

48 hours after the drama last Friday.

I finally convinced myself that this too shall pass.

She will move on, i will move on. 

The greatness of the human brain is that it can convince your entire being to feel something else when things escalate too quickly.

I had a blackout and most probably a temporary mental madnesss

Just a few hours ago, I felt heavy and too sad to function.  Now, i have finally found a drive to try to move on and let go of the poisonous feelings that seems to slowly suffocate me. Jsut a few hours ago, i have had thoughts that I wanted to actualize and could have changed my entire being. Cringing..right... now...

But for all I known it could be the truth...