Saturday, November 28, 2009

The Poem that changed us all

A day before my Dad's cremation, we found this poem he wrote in his journal. What gave us goosebumps was the fact that the poem was written same day as we found it, only 15 years earlier, 25 November 1994. Even after life, ang galing pa din nya. I guess he found a way to lead my mom to read this particular journal out of the dozens of other notebooks.

Here goes...


November 25, 1994

Some days ago, I ceased to be. . . And today…

Let the bands play
Let the music fill the air!
Shout to the sky.
Be happy, be aware.

That I shall now
Be leaving earth
To fulfill the
Promises of my birth.

Stop the crying
Start the laughter
Some lives sans me
Will now be better.

Scatter my dust
Along with the wind
Let it afloat.
My life rescind.

Let every speck
Strike out a tune,
So birds, bees, plants, trees
Will know – it’s Jun.

To those whose lives
I’ve deeply touched, somehow
Keep my few words
For I’ll be gone for now.

To those whose lives
I’ve brought deep sorrow,
Apololgies, please.
Here comes tomorrow.

To all my kids,
Wherever you are,
With pride pursue
That guiding star.

The vow I leave
Behind today…
Even beyond
For you I pray.

Always do good…
Be ever selfless…
With care and love
Your Ma caress.

Adhere to the truth,
You’ll never go wrong.
Keep God in your heart
You’ll always be strong.

With these I depart…
I do not want to cry,
I am dust remember,
So this is not goodbye.

So long… till then…
To one and all please smile,
I have to go. I will be back
But it will be a while.

It is my wish that this be read before my loved ones before I am cremated. They are sincere words which I want to impart. They contain my apologies, my feelings and my desires.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Goodbye Papa...


I never really thought i would ever write a post from a memorial chapel. Using free wi-fi and while everyone else is trying to get a quick charge of sleep...

I turned 30 last sunday, and my Dad, turned to Him, also that same morning.

I tried asking him why it had to be on my birthday. And a lot of assumptions and theories came up. But this morning, as i spent time talking to him in my mind, the answer came, maybe there is no reason after all. It was just because he was bound to leave.

My dad is a friend. I love the fact that I can talk to him about anything under the sun. That he was a brother more than a dad. He was a barkada, more than a father. He was my life coach, my mentor.

I thank God for having to share my life with him. And as i said, the lesson is simple, Love Life. We had a great one together...

Although i think i had let go and accepted the fact that he's gone. Im bracing myself for the worse yet to come. The emotions will continue to pour out, and im sure tears will still roll down my cheeks every now on then for the next few years.

I love you pa. And im happy that i got to thank you and say this to you before you went. I am happy for your new journey.

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Breakdown

I did. Today. In front of my boss.

I just couldn't help anymore. Been carrying this baggage for months now and today, it just broke.

Im ok now. Just making myself understand what it means when one says "you can't please everybody"

Hay, the boss won't be around for a week, I may be the only one in the office who's not happy about it. If there's anybody who trusts me in the building, it may be just the Boss.

Gonna move on. And be stronger. And always remind myself of that saying... You can't please everybody... :-(
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