Monday, January 18, 2010

Expressing something else

I should really start going back to writing. I don't even know if someone out there really reads my blog but I know it frees me. From stress, from the everyday pressures of life. It frees my soul every time I express my mind. And I should start again soon.

It has been almost 2 months since my Dad died. And somehow that part of him in me, is still in sadness. He was the one who inspired me to write. He who criticized everything I did so I would aim to be better. Because it was him, who I always wanted to please. In the world I'm in, in this life I have been living, he's that silent guiding star. Everything I am now, I somehow owe it to him. He was a friend, and what's great about it is that he's my father. He's the toughee but really a softee. He may sometimes sound unreasonable, but in the end, it sucks because he's right!
As I scanned through the books on sale in Powerbooks just before I boarded the shuttle going home, I was silently conversing with him. And how much his "tail" would have waved with the bins-full of books on 70% off.
As I try hard to keep myself from melting down into tears inside this van, I remember him and how much he really made us the Family that we are now. And I thank the good Lord above, for giving us, the coolest and most loving father one could ever have.

Happy happy birthday Papa. I know I'm a week late in posting this. His birthday was last Jan 11. Together with this post is a photo of what we did last Jan 11, at 12 midnight in Laiya beach.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Moment of weakness

3 days before my brother's wedding and again, sadness engulfs me more than the excitement. Well at least for this moment. I'll be fine again maybe after a few hours. But for now, I'd let myself be. What ifs and what could have beens can really bring one to the abyss of depression.

Now on my way to the office, aboard a shuttle from sucat to makati, and trying hard to keep myself from crying...

I miss you so much Pa.
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