Monday, November 8, 2010

Fearfully sad me :-(

I have to let this out. Its going to be almost 1 year since my father passed away. Same day as I turn another year older. And I cant help but feel teary eyed every time I realize that that day is coming closer and closer.

Just like this very moment as I right this, I am having a hard time breathing and my hands are shaking. Maybe its because of the accumulated dust on my desk over the weekend. Or maybe of the grande Caramel Macchiato i just finished drinking. Or maybe not. I have been having this uneasiness since last week, without the dust and without coffee.

I am scared.

My father knows (or knew) i celebrate my birthday with a personal recollection. A review of the year that was, and plans for another year ahead. His birthday greeting, may it be a text message, a letter or a birthday card, will never fail to make me cry. Because its always full of emotions, real feelings and sapul parati.

I still continue to ask the universe the same question ever since that Nov 22 event last year. Why did it have to be my birthday?

I knew that Nov 22 will never be just the 22nd day of November. It will never be just that. And I can feel that it'll take me my whole life to get over this "uneasiness". Every year, every time i do my personal recollection.

I need strength to get through this.

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