Thursday, December 26, 2013

A Litttle Bit of Heaven

It wasn't a new movie, but when i searched Gael's recent movies, this popped out.  I downloaded this was weeks ago and only had a chance to watch it tonight.  I must say, the cover image is misleading.

Up until towards the end of the film, i was still with high hopes for a miracle.  But still ended as predicted.

So why am i writing this up in the middle of the night while the world is asleep? Because i cant sleep.  This movie made me think. A lot.

I have been ill for the past days and was even betting on spending Christmas in the hospital.  My tolerance for pain is quite high but what i went through these past days made me really want to see a doctor even if it meant being admitted and spending Noche Buena in the hospital.  Im just thankful that after 4 hours in the ER, the Doc let us go.

The pains i went through was so scary and this movie kinda made my emotions twist and turn.  What ifs started to build up in my mind and i cried in a lot of the movie's scenes.  I watched a tagalog teleserye right after the movie and cried and cried in every scene!  That was how it affected me.

So, yeah.  I got out of my comfy bed, left my snoring husband fast asleep, and wrote this to document my thoughts that i might forget:

1.  Top reasons why i'm afraid to die
2.  Must find out soon why im in so much physical pain
3.  Gotta treasure every moment with the loves of my life
4.  Have to give love back to the world
5.  Enjoy life and eradicate whatever stops me from enjoying it

I cry at the thought of dying soon because my kids are just so sweet and i love them to the edges of this universe.  

Anyway, my back is already killing me and must get back to bed already before the husband sees the lit up screen of my computer. Its almost 3am.

Sunday, November 10, 2013

Hell week at its finest

Can I just say "whatta week"!

It's been one hell of a week for me. Both physically, mentally and emotionally. 

My body being tired, I can manage and adjust. My mind I can try control. But the emotions, is just too much. Pain and disappointment. I think its because the pain in my heart is brought about by work-related shit. 

I try to convince my heart to slow down and remind it that whatever chaos I am in now is just work. And that I have a lot other things to be thankful for and that this too shall pass. But for some wonderful reason, I still get teary-eyed rverytime I remember the very reason why I am hurt. 

Maybe because we are gearing towards the end of the year and all those pent up emotions plus te exhaustion is finally pouring out. Or maybe because its November and my birthday is coming up with te sad memories that goes with it. Or maybe its my daughter's birthday week and I cant even give a bit of time to di something for her. 

I really don't know. I give it all to You. I will go through this. I will give it my best. I will hug it all even if it means a broken heart. All because I trust You and that you know what is best for me and the people I love and care for. 

As for my broken "work" heart, I guess the lesson here is to learn the lesson so it would never happen again. Too much of something is definitely bad. 

Thursday, August 22, 2013

Big purchase

Here I was earlier today about to write something on how to go about a major life changing purchase when my husband asked me to go to Makati with him to see a camera he's been eyeing to buy.  Took me a few minutes to agree and when he said i can go and drop by the store to do a quick visit, i said yes and hurriedly dressed up.

We ended spending a big deal of amount today.

So going back to my original topic when i decided to draft this post...

"How does one start on buying a house in Manila?"

But then I guess, i'll ask about it someday in the future....

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Words for the Week: Creative Writing

Been stranded in the house for days due to the heavy heavy rains that was brought about by the Habagat and the typhoon.  Half the metro is submerged in floods and a lot of towns and cities under the state of calamity including ours, that is Paranaque.

My Mom's house were one of those that was flooded. Water came and out in a matter of 10 minutes and according to her was just too fast to have prevented anything from being wet.  She lost documents, photo albums, books and sadly, my Dad's journals.  I volunteered to dry up one of his journals which i patiently laid out page per page on our table when i got home from her house.  

This is how the words of the week came about.  As i read on some of the wet pages of his hand-written entries, turns out he started writing to work on his creative writing skills.  He was doing some side-job teaching college students on this way back in 1994 and he had to practice, thus the journals.

Incidentally,  my daughter asked my permission to start on a blog which she said, would be used to express her thoughts and practice her writing as well.  I have had this blog for a while now with the mere intention of just purely expressing my thoughts by writing.  I dont even think people read this.  Its just that i actually believe writing it out makes me feel better.

Anyway, I'm hoping i can find time, more time, to actually write.  At least this way, my kids wont have to worry about drying up the pages.

Wednesday, May 1, 2013


This is when my system stops from smiling. That moment when one cant seem to think of anything that can make things better, or at least feel like its better.

Even grocery shopping did not make me happy.

This. Is. Not. Good.


With the events that's been going around my work life, which right now is 90% of my life, I can already feel my brain and my body almost giving up.  I've been looking forward to our trip coming up this Friday.  Its both business and and pleasure.  The husband will follow for a 3-day extension while my colleagues get back to Manila.

Ive been looking forward to this, i mentioned that but these past days, its been the main stress source as i realize my being out of the office for 4 working days (Friday, Mon-Wednesday) while we are in the middle of all the plans for the shenanigans of marketing for a supermarket.

At this point, ironman 3 is kinda not a positive source of anything for now but a reminder of "anxiety attacks". Even after sitting down and writing off all the things that's ongoing and my bilins, i still cannot feel the excitement, that usual feeling i have before a big trip.

Breath in. Breath out. Somehow its not working and my heart is still in panic mode. Too much beating going on and my brain is saying one thing, just one thing... "I want out."

Whatever that means.

Wednesday, April 17, 2013


Its only April but i feel the year's almost done. For the past months of 2013, i have more than 5x asked myself if i have ever been this occupied in the past. I have been trying hard to remember any incident that i can peg on as a booster to encourage myself that i will indeed get through it all.

This year is really a big test for me.

Last week, i snapped more than 3x.

The week before that i snapped 2x.

I bought origami papers and started perfecting the cube folds. Its working so far. I haven't snapped this week. Maybe just this morning. :| and its only wednesday.

I can handle the mental. But dear Body, we cant get sick. Hang in there.

Sunday, March 31, 2013


I watch Anthony Bourdain this morning on TLC and i get super sad.

As a kid, i was awed by the fact that stewardess and stewards get to work inside an airplane, always going somewhere. It amazed me simply with the thought that they were always traveling. Plus! Free trips for the whole family!

Back in highschool, i wanted to be one of the members of "the travelers", they were a group of people who goes around the world taking photos and videos and just learning more about the local culture and traditions of the place they go to. I always thought of myself as one of those assisting the camera guy. Back stage as always.

And this morning, as i wAtch Bourdain explore Finland, my heart sinks with the memory of how much i love what his team and crew is doing.

Then a whole bunch of thoughts came flashing in my mind and now, im just sad.

It may be too late or not. But i will definitely travel. One step at a time given that my resources, both time and money, are limited. But i will.

I just wish that i had a job related to traveling. Oh well.

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

Sheep in 2013

The forecast for me this coming Year of the Snake is not e en funny.  Im scared!  Must get all those feng shui gadgets.  Or maybe they want me to ber scared so i get all their suggested jewels???

Know yours here.. 

The Year of the Snake 2013 brings you a mix of good and bad readings, although it looks better than 2012. Your element profile from your path chee chart reveals high level of life force and inner essence. This means that you are bestowed with good form, confidence, inner chi and energy throughout the year, making you feel everything will go your way. Your expectations soar. Nothing seems impossible to you. Unfortunately, this does not go along well with your weak Wind Horse Success luck, and you will find blockages to everything that you are trying to accomplish. When your Wind Horse Luck is poor, bad luck can strike unexpectedly. Opportunities that appear will be challenging. You will need to persevere and put in a lot of effort in your work.
Luckily for you, the “Big Auspicious star” is in your 24 Mountains chart coming from the Horse direction, The patronage of this star is a big source of good fortune for you in 2012, especially if you are affiliated in some way with someone born in the year of the Horse e.g. your spouse, parent, kids or business partner.  It would be a shame to let something really big and exciting that the year has to offer you to   slip right through your fingers.  Boost your success luck and clear obstacles to your attainment luck by placing aWish Granting Tree of Life (S) in the Southwest sector. Carry a White Wind Horse with Flaming Jewel Keychain.
On the other hand, you should be wary of Monkey people because the “Yin House” star is coming from its direction. This cosmic affliction brings temporary obstacles and misfortune in a very Yin way that will distract and aggravate you. Often, the Yin House manifests in the form of someone close to you falling very sick or pass away. Display Bejeweled Green Tara or Gold Plated Standing Guan Yin Statue in the Southwest sector for protection. Alternatively, carry a 21 Tara Mirror Tassel.
You are also sitting directly on the Yi Duo Star from the 24 Mountains, which is a “flying star multiplier”. Sadly, the Flying Star in your astrological palace this year is the much dreaded Illness Star #2 and it gets strengthened by Yi Duo. This star brings sickness to the Sheep-born, matriarch of the household and people who reside in the SW sector in 2013. You will feel fatigue and old illness may relapse. Good news is it’s easy to remedy. Make sure the Southwest sector is clean and tidy. Place a Brass Wu Lou with Eight Immortals (s) or Wu Lou with Deer, Crane and Bamboo in SW. Carry an Anti Illness Medallion Keychain or wear an Aventurine Hu Lu Pendant for Health Luck. Pay close attention to your eating habit and food hygiene. Gather more time to rest. You can also hang a Amethyst Feng Shui Wulou Hanging in your car.
Based on your elemental chart, the 70 year-old Sheep will have to endure the worst health luck. Make sure you wear a Medicine Buddha Pendant.
Wealth Luck wise, it’s good for everyone except for the 46 year-old Sheep. Money will leak away. You will face cash flow problems and financial instability. Carry an Enhancing Dragon Amulet Keychain.
For businessmen, good deals or projects will come your way. They have the potential to make your profit grow and take your business to a new level. It’s advisable to take a path of least resistance. Draw up a sound development plan early, progressively execute it.  As for what you have been working on from the past year, they will start to see results.
Career wise, there is indication of a promotion or pay raise. There is possibility that you will be offered a flashier title or given an important assignment that will alter your career path for the better. Improving your relationship with your colleagues will give a boost to your career.
Single Sheeps who are looking for romance will find themselves falling in love quite easily. Married Sheep should handle your relationship matter wisely. Show more care and you will experience a tighter family bond developing.
In conclusion, when the sickness star is successfully subdued, and your Windhorse success luck is strengthened, the year can actually turn out to be spectacular!
Three Horoscope Allies Amulet - Rabbit, Sheep & Boar is a must-have good luck charm for Sheep people.